I Wish I Was A Rampaging Queen

Monday, June 9, 2014

My Adventures in Cautery (Part Two)

*** Caution - Before attempting to try to do any of the following treatments that I've described below...please...please...please...do a patch test before using any of these products on your entire face. ***

On May 19th, I started an intense beauty regimen of at home peeling and whitening to aggressively fade the brown spots/scars on my face. Three nights a week (Mon-Wed) I swiped on a peeling agent that contained tretinoin (Tretinoin is the carboxylic acid form of vitamin A and is also known as all-trans retinoic acid or ATRA. - Wikipedia) and hydroquinone (In human medicine, hydroquinone is used as a topical application in skin whitening to reduce the color of skin. - Wikipedia) (each 100mL contains 25mg of tretinoin and 2g of hydroquinone) over my entire face like you would a toner or astringent with a cotton pad. The rest of the week I gave my skin a break from the product. And it's in those days when my skin would peel. The peeling was annoying because it was unsightly but it gave me the deepest satisfaction. The top layers of my epidermis where the spots were the darkest was peeling off and revealing a new layer of lighter skin underneath. During the day after I washed my face I used an intense whitening facial serum that contains glutathione (Glutathione has recently been used as an inhibitor of melanin in the cosmetics industry.) and vitamin C, which I applied over my entire face. I used it in conjunction with a placenta cream (animal placenta...I know gross right?). Hey but if it works, it works. The placenta cream I dabbed directly on to the spots.

I had also started washing my face as soon as I was able, which was about three days after the procedure, with a whitening soap. They have a ton to choose from here. The one I chose was manufactured in Japan and it contains kojic acid. (Kojic acid is a by-product in the fermentation process of malting rice. - Wikipedia)

*** I avoided the sun as much as possible. I wore a hat whenever I had to go outside. The last thing I needed was for these spots to get darker. ***

Below all pictures were taken of me with a freshly washed face and absolutely no make-up in front of my window using natural light.

Photos of me taken May 19, 2014

Photos of me taken May 26, 2014

Photos taken of me June 2, 2014

Photos taken of me June 10, 2014

The spots are fading nicely. It's only been a few weeks since I started the peeling and whitening treatments but there is a marked improvement on my skin. I'm confident that in a few more weeks the spots will have faded completely. The key to this whole process is patience and diligence. The patience to stay safe and not to overdo/abuse the treatments and to be diligent in doing the treatments regularly and not be discouraged. And most importantly SUNSCREEN!!! I'll keep my fingers crossed for continued success. :-)

(This poem I wrote May 18, 2014 when I received a phone call that my out of town cousins, they live on another island, were in town and three of them whom I had never met before were excited to meet me. :-( Feel my panic...)

Panic

I'm in a panic

Surprise!!!

Skin's looking tragic

Where can I hide?

Out of town family

Dragging me out

To play outside

Another poem I wrote about my predicament. Written June 5, 2014.

My Mirror

My mirror

She tells no lies

As she scrutinizes

With those intense cunning eyes

'Look at what you've done!'

She accuses

'We've had no sun!

These beautiful days have just gone by

With no merry or rye.

Look at you!

You're so pale

And I swear you appear

More fragile and frail'

But I can't see

I don't believe that's me

'Of course not you silly fool!

Sitting in the dark

Trying to stay cool'

But these awful spots

Ugly brown dots

Scattered here and there

I can't play outside

I don't dare!

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Anxious Respite

Impatient fantasy

Of splendid skies

Bare toes tickled

By verdant turf

Giggles and

Flights of fancy

I toss disarray

In my comfort

Nakedness

Lips parted

In thirst

Impatient

For this interlude

To call it a day

I hunger

For the beginning

Where my blood

Flows below

Earth drenched

In DNA

From whence

I started

I have returned

In anxious respite

Awaiting the arrival

Of my co-conspirator

My partner

My dreamer

My life

Saturday, May 24, 2014

Reality and a Breezeway

I've been away

My mind

Teetering

Between

Reality and a breezeway

Meters and kilometers

Cold hard cement

And bricks of red

I'm feeling bent

Oh I know

I'm not making

Any sense

But I'm reeling

I'm so close

To screaming

What I wish to say

But I think

I'll leave that

For another day

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Thursday

The days have flown by

With eventful skies

Thunder and lightning

Have been entertaining

As I sat by my window

And witnessed the night glow

Zeus roared his mighty roar

As his potent bolt soared

Across the inky blackness

It brought on such happiness

I could not describe

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

The Final...Grunt

You are absurd madam

With your high-handed

Speeches

And your grasping

Clasping claws

You think you're

Bom chicka wah wah

Flirting with every

Cock-a-doodle-do

Even the ones

That have said 'I do'

When in fact

You're just a silly

Sad and lonely putti tat

Looking for your fat cat

That will never come

Ahhh...but maybe

He will

And I'll be

Proven wrong

But then again...

After the final...grunt

And you're thinking

He's forever yours

He might say

'I've gotta run

To the store

Don't worry

I'll be back'

And you'll see him

Nevermore

Isn't that

How the story goes...

Sunday, May 18, 2014

My Adventures in Cautery (Part One)

To all who are unfamiliar with the Philippines and their beauty culture well let me tell you a brief story of one of my experiences and yes there will be pictures...before and after. Here in the Philippines the beauty industry is prevalent. They have clinics galore, that are commonly called 'dermas' and most services are very affordable. Let's just say, I'm in heaven.

This particular story involves cautery. If you are not familiar with cautery it's when tissue is burned off, destroyed, through the use of electric current. As we age, some of us develop skin tags or some type of non-life threatening cosmetic skin anomaly. Well, I had a couple of skin tags forming on my right eyelid and one below my left eye. So, I went in to one of those clinics to get an estimate for their removal. The doctor took me into his examination room and looked at my skin through one of those magnified lamps. He said I had several anomalies forming throughout my face and I should have them all removed. (Although, personally I couldn't see any of the anomalies he mentioned. Must have been microscopic... The skin on my face looked as smooth as a baby's bottom, ok maybe wrong analogy. Well anyhoo, the only thing I thought that disrupted my skin's smoothness were the skin tags on my right eyelid and the one below my left eye.) I told him of my skin history and asked how long the recovery will take. He said within a week the wounds would heal and within a month my skin will be better than before. Well that appealed to my vanity. Darned vanity! I left the office to think about it and three days later went back in to have the procedure done.

That day was Monday, May 5, 2014. The procedure itself was not painful. He used a topical anesthetic cream thirty minutes before beginning. I kept my eyes closed the entire time and could only hear the buzzing of the tool he used to zap whatever he was zapping. After the procedure he told me to go straight home and not to touch my face or wash it for the next twenty-four hours.

That night my face ballooned to twice its size and when I woke up in the morning puss that had been leaking out overnight had dried up on the wounds. Gross!!! I called the doctor and he told me to come back to his clinic without washing my face so he could take a look at it. I went in wearing a scarf and hat to cover my entire head along with big dark sunglasses...hahaha... (Incognito) He cleaned my face gave me an anti-inflammatory medication and told me to go back home and once again not to touch my face or wash it and then come back again the next day.

Well the next day my face had ballooned to three times its size and I was no longer recognizable. I looked like a cartoon character. If I died they wouldn't be able to visually identify me. They would need dental records or a DNA test. That's what was going through my mind as I stared horrified at the image that stared back at me in the mirror. I did not go back to the doctor's office that day nor have I since. There was no way I was going to walk about in public with weeping sores and that hideously bloated face.

It took over a week for the swelling and the weeping (the wounds and me) to finally settle down and my face to actually look normal again, except for the scarring or brown spots; I was left with brown spots all over my face. How long that would take to fade I had no clue but I was determined to get rid of them sooner rather than later.

Now I know you all are curious as to how I looked during the swollen period, as I call it, I'm sorry to disappoint but I did not take selfies of myself at that stage. Are you kidding me? I wanted no reminders of that grotesque looking face and if it ever got in the wrong hands...well...blackmail city...let me tell ya! I could always deny it was me, I WAS unrecognizable...except for my mole. Darned mole! Just kidding, I love my mole even though at one time I conducted an experiment to remove it using apple cider vinegar and blogged about it. Thank goodness it was an epic fail. I was just recently told that there are old beliefs that my mole is good luck...I inhale money they say...meaning I acquire money easily. Well, ain't that somethin'! If only it were true...

I did take a couple of selfies a week and a half after the procedure. The swelling was completely gone but the spots are highly visible. Surprisingly the spots on my eyelid have already faded. What does that tell ya? I should have stuck to my guns and told the doctor to just do the ones I asked for in the first place.

To be fair, I had watched several of my friends have this procedure done and none of them had any ill effects. Nope, nada. They had the procedure done one day and the next we were out shopping...go figure. It's just me. I seem to be the only ninny who had negative results. Oh well, let's carry on, shall we...

{Part Two will be published in a few weeks}

(This poem was written during my 'swollen period'. A dark time in my cautery adventure.)

My Monstrosity

I looked into the glass

I saw a beast reflected there

It gave me quite a scare

Maybe it was a glare

Or a light refracted square?

I screamed inside my mind

As bile wept

And so did I

Through the open sores

A lesson learned

To be remembered

For all of time

The fault

The fault is mine

I never should have

Gone in blind

I searched for probity

But all I found were lies

My vanity beguiled

Time is not my friend

Or is it?

Nor will I vilify

The cause of my

Monstrosity

When all I wished for

Was to beautify

Friday, May 16, 2014

The Coming Of Night

The days pass

Too quickly

On this

Aphotic isle

Where demons rise

With glowing eyes

To scour

The countryside

For willing brides

The nights rise

With its torrid gloom

My senses pure

I howl at the moon

She beckons

With surging tides

My voice lowers

As I croon

She bids me dance

I stomp my feet

Clap my hands

As if in a trance

Will he find me?

Tonight is a night

For romance

I sway to the music

Of the fading light

The drums roar

Heralding the coming of night

My pulse quickens

I sense he is near

I have no reason

To fear

But my feet

Are ready for flight

I feel him

He whispers in my ear

And my wickedness

My wickedness

She knows

He is just right

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Because We Can

Love

It tears your heart

Into a million pieces

Not cleanly

As if sliced

By a surgeon's scalpel

With precision

And accuracy

From your breast it's torn

Ripped, mutilated

By grasping hands

Wished you'd never been born

Hate filled words

The uncaring

Who ignore

Blunt swords

Leave bruises

Veiled

Your soundless

Wails

Unanswered

Treat you

As second best

As if you're just

One of the rest

Why

Hurt

The ones we love?

Because we can

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Speckled with Gold

This shield

My armor

Staves off

Burning

Streams

Solar powered

Light

Beyond

The violet

In the spectrum

Wavelengths

Of violence

Stealthy villain

Unseen

My shield

My armor

Safeguards

Against

Those

Invisible

Malignant

Sunbeams

Sunday, May 11, 2014

I've Been Saved Or Is It Misbehave?

Love withheld

Love given

With gusto

A passionate life

Or a life of passion

I just don't know

My head swims

With dreams

Of the future

Or is it the past

Does anything

Ever last?

I have desired

Been on fire

Hip deep in mire

Have aspired

Even inspired

Been lost in quagmire

Elegantly attired

Afraid I'm about

To expire

In his arms

Lost in his charms

No need for alarm

For I've been saved

I've even shaved

My delicates

Oh do behave!

Don't worry I gave

At the church

But I will not

Be your slave

You naughty knave

Mmm...

But I do love

Your aftershave

I think I'm

About to misbehave!

Friday, May 9, 2014

Sex Sells

Thursday, May 8, 2014

My Girls

(This photograph was taken about 5 years ago. We try to get together once or twice a year. It's hard due to busy schedules; work, family, etc...)

I've known these girls

A lot of years

Seen

Some crazy situations

Scary hallucinations

Out to the clubs at sixteen

In mini skirts and five inch heels

That's a nightly scene

In the city by the bay

And if you're pretty

You never have to pay

We went to a lot of parties

Danced a lot too

Between the four of us

There wasn't much

We didn't do

I miss my girls

We had so much fun

Especially when I

Was on the run

A kiss to my 'mentor'

I learned a lot from you

You crazy bitch

I knew, me

You'd never ditch

A kiss to my fellow joker

We loved playing tricks

On you know who

And we knew

She loved it too

And a kiss to my twin

Whom I met in detention

We did things too insane

To publicly mention

I love you girls

I always will

When I visit the bay

You know we're going to have to

Make time

For some wine

And chill

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

What Is This?

What is this?

My lids flicker and dance

Pictures

Nightmares

Have me in a trance

A tiny girl

Not even five feet tall

Kicked in a shop window

Damn! Bitch is crazy!

As I stood enthralled

Run!

Somebody screamed

Am I suppose to be

Having fun?

I ran

Another night awol

The lights

Go wiggly

They flitter and flash

My body trembles

As my teeth gnash

A phone call

The voice trembles

It says it all

A friend's been

Brought back

Screaming and crying

She's so small

She has a seizure

As she falls

Taken to hospital

Not allowed

To visit

Not allowed to recall

What is this?

As my lids flicker and dance

Pictures

Nightmares

Have me in a trance

Monday, May 5, 2014

Dented Flask

Lazily she took a swill

Of what she calls

Her golden chain

Or was it train?

What the hell

She's too far gone

To tell

She looks around

Looking for a man to kill

It's how she feels

Deep inside

Where all

The venom resides

She took another pull

From her dented flask

That's never full

And don't ever ask

To take a swig

She'll shoot daggers

With her eyes

You'll feel like

A stuck pig

Whatever happened

To the beauty

That she was

It ran off

She wasn't worthy

Like all the men

She had ever known

Since the age of ten

Abandoned

Alone

No one

To call

Her own

One stop left to paradise

She knew it for sure

No need to call the doctor

For the cure

She felt it deep in her core

Where the venom resides

Her liver was no more

Just one last drink

One last swallow

Then she'll walk

Through heaven's door