The Girl I Used To Be

The girl

I used to be

I find

'Ring around

The rosie'

Circles in

My mind

There are times

I wish

To open all

Expose wounds

The ones

I can recall

'Ashes, ashes'

Truncated

Memories

Short clips

Of histories

A broken doll

Who had

A jarring fall

From inception

Through

Progression

The cold nights

The screaming fights

'A pocket full

Of posies'

Poisoned pen

The innocence

Shaken

No consequence

Forsaken

But I can't

Not right now

It's the pain

The pain

Shattered glass

Fractured pane

Pieces missing

Life will never

Be the same

I was told

To let it go

Let it go

From my body

Let it flow

Shed it free

Free from me

But the child inside

Clings on

Desperately

Does it

Make me weak

That I can't speak

For the girl

I used to be?

I don't know

Copyright © Allene Angelica 2014

Not

Echoes of time

Play on in clips

While drinking

Tea and eating

Potato chips

English

Not American

A lifetime sleeper

Bloats within

A heavy heart

A silent weeper

No amount

Of cider

English

Not American

Can account

Be balanced

Permanently

In the red

No worries

Tears are shed

Over strawberry jelly

American

Not English

In the dark

Somewhere

In a park

Out on her fanny

American

Not English

As luck

Would have it

Her middle name

Was 'Canny'

Copyright © Allene Angelica 2014

Beauty

In all things

A beauty

Do I see

Maybe it's

The poet

In me

There is a

Yin and a yang

To everything

But my eyes

Overlook the ugly

That springs

I can't deny

That it's there

Around the corner

Waiting for notice

The opposite

Complete polar

Shifts in the

Atmosphere

Blinded by light

I cannot hear

It's only the

The allure

That I see

It brings out

The attractive

And repulsive

In me

Copyright © Allene Angelica 2014

My Adventures in Cautery (Part 3)

Almost Over

This part of my story

Is almost over

There's no glory

No splendor

Time flew slowly

Without a whir

It sloth-ed on

With no excuses

The hourly yawn

Of the clock

Had no concessions

Or allowances

The last few months

Have been a drain

A heavy heavy

Daily strain

With eyes on me

At every turn

Self-conscious

Awkward

Anxious

Doesn't even

Fully describe

The feelings

All the feelings

Swirling inside

There were times

I'd even forgotten

Walking around

With a smile

But then a stare

A glare

A smirk

From some

Female jerk

Would really

Really irk

I could read

The thoughts

On her face

Her delight

At the many spots

'Oh what a

Sad sad case'

Silent words

That clearly raced

Across her

Beaming mug

Acting a little smug

Maybe I'm

Over-sensitive

But whenever

I see that look

I want to scream

A damn expletive!

Copyright © Allene Angelica 2014

This is basically just a picture diary of my progress.  I'm still doing and using the same procedures and products that I mentioned in Part Two.  I've been consistent and haven't wavered.  Below I've posted all pictures including the ones from Part One and Two.

I went ahead and included the links to Part One and Two

http://iwishiwasarampagingqueen.blogspot.com/2014/05/my-adventures-in-cautery-part-one.html

http://iwishiwasarampagingqueen.blogspot.com/2014/06/my-adventures-in-cautery-part-two.html

All photos starting from May 19th on were taken after washing my face.  I used natural lighting and no make up (only lip balm because I hate dry lips) and no photo edits.  All photos were taken with my iPad.

No difference probably between July 21 & July 29 because I decided to give my skin a break from peeling.  Did not put anything on my skin besides coconut oil after washing but started my peeling program again on the evening of the 29th.

This is the final week that I will take pics.  The spots are all almost completely faded and in a couple of weeks will be non-existent.  I'm satisfied that peeling my skin weekly has helped speed the fading process.  Will I do cautery again?  I don't know...maybe but with more caution in the future.  Two or three at a time not my entire face...that was a very bad idea I must say.  :-/

Below taken same day as above pics but with make-up and soft lighting.  Taken on the evening of the 23rd :-)

Resolute

Let me tell you about a love

A love so true

Faithful, enduring

Through the good times

And the blue

Never before

Has this happened to me

Not in my dreams

And never in reality

A love that fit

With beauty and style

I thought this was it

Ten years is a long while

But as in all things

All good things must rend

For I've left behind my love

Somewhere in the west end

I will never ever

Find a fit as perfect again

But I will search

To the ends of this earth

And the whole world wide

No matter the girth

I'll stay my course, resolute

To find me another

Of those perfect high heeled boots

Copyright © Allene Angelica 2014

Saccharine Smile

Deep in the psyche

Lurks a madness

A twisted

Serpentine sadness

A forger of thoughts

A spitter of spites

Through delighted beams

Plainly knowing it isn't right

Debauchery reigns

And lechery lies

Affecting sweet

Innocent doe eyes

But the flicker is there

Somewhere between

A second and a stare

All should be wary

Of the saccharine smile

The truth will out

Just watch and wait a while

Copyright © Allene Angelica 2014

Sayonara

I've participated

Long enough

In this charade

Killing myself

For a measly dime

Of your time

That you oftentimes

Felt too great a task

To deliver on schedule

While I wait

Counting minutes

Lost to my past

Ages flying fast

Life carrying on

Without my attendance

Missing in action

Absent without an excuse

Yourself

Happy as a clam

While eating cake

Not giving a damn

As it sits prettily

On ice

Frozen

In its little box

Protected from the

Elements

But unknown

Inside a storm

Brews in a cup of tea

Growing immensely

Insurgent

No longer containable

An explosion

Of controlled madness

Erupts from within

'Sayonara motherfucker!'

Copyright © Allene Angelica 2014

Remove My Love (Spoken Word)

I see no love
But arrangements
In disguise
Are they blind
Or are they wise?

Do they feel
The passion in my soul?
The thunder that rumbles
My body whole?

Remove my love
And I shall
Go insane
For without it
I am nothing
But a blood red stain
In a world
Shrouded in black rain
They will try to bleach me
Down the drain

A hollow shell
I shall become
My tears well
But will not succumb
No longer do I dwell
In this lifeless form
And sorrow cell

For without my love
I am but a spirit in the night
Howling a haunting tune
All dressed in white
Searching for my
Brave, strong knight
While the folks
The kinfolk
Lock their doors in fright

Copyright © Allene Angelica 2014

James Allen

I have loved you

From the start

Your beginning

Stole my heart

Nine hours I laboured

Under your spell

Moments I savoured

Before in my arms

I knew you well

My face you mirror

Can't you tell?

Copyright © Allene Angelica 2014

Saucer Round

Deer in headlights

Eyes saucer round

It's fight or flight

Or hit the ground

I don't know why

Sand buried head

We all deny

The news we've read

It's been written

And it's been said

The truth hidden

No, it's been shed

Future will be

No beaut to see

Time running out

Heading for drought

Wars and chaos

Distract the eye

From the reason

Why children die

For this season

Emotions high

They'll hit the sky

While heads are turned

Our greens are burned

Corrupted

The corrupt

No hope for mankind

While they bluster

In suits made by design

We paddle in water

Knee high going blind

Copyright © Allene Angelica 2014

Livin' Large

For the love of all

Holy mackerel

I can't believe

My eyes

One in four

One in four!

Are livin' large

I read today

In a newspaper

While I sat

Highlighter

Hair wrapped

In cellophane

One in four

One in four!

Are livin' large

Who's to blame?

Society and its

Standards of living?

The industry that

Promotes chub

A tub tub?

Awww...

Isn't she cute

With all that flub

Can we handle

The excessive rise

Of glucose

In the rivers of blood?

Or the hyper mania

As pressures rise

Rise, rise, rise

While we're downing fries?

Surrounded by

Evidence

We can't deny

We murder each

Other, by the

Examples we teach

One in four

One in four!

Are livin' large

Livin' large

As large as a barge

In a country

Of poverty

How did we

Get so fat?

Copyright © Allene Angelica 2014

Ink

A beautiful array

Of impressive artistry;

Black and gray,

Watercolors, Asian,

Schools, old and new

Some with a long history

Some are a recent brew

I just don't know

Which is for me

Having a time

Too difficult to see

I close my eyes

Meditate a few

Hours, days

Collect morning dew

Weeks, months

One that I won't rue

Years, years, years

Wolfie needs me

To reign in my fears

The eagle too

For over a decade

There's resentment there

Carrying a banner

For which I

No longer care

Which to choose

Which is me

I close my eyes

To meditate

For another three

Copyright © Allene Angelica 2014